


PeskiPiksi Pesternomi

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU: Bro isn't an asshole, More tags will be added later, Shenanigans, fairy!Dave
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-05-24 15:28:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6158167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave is a fairy that happens to get lucky after a run-in with a vicious canine. He now lives with a man he calls 'Bro'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alright so I posted this once about a year ago and then deleted it because I hated it. I edited it a little and am reposting it now. Backstory will probably be the next chapter. I have no idea when I will post the next chapter but I hope to do weekly updates (I have a horrible record when it comes to those kinds of promises though)

It is just past 3 AM when you finally walk into the apartment. You smell of sweat and alcohol from a long night of DJing. You open the door and tiredly stride over to the futon, intent on hibernating for the next week. You're about to flop down for the night when you see a small figure spawled out right where you were going to lie down.

He did this most nights, waiting for you to get back. You don't know why you would expect tonight to be any different,

"Damn, li'l man. How many times do I gotta tell ya? You don't need to stay up waiting for me all the time." You reach down and carefully lift him up, trying as best you can not to wake him. You have to admit that even if he can be a pain in the ass sometimes, you will never regret finding him and giving him a real home.

You lay him down on his bed, then quietly head over to your room across the hall. You lay down and are asleep before your head even hits the pillow.

* * *

 

You wake up in your bed, which means that you probably fell asleep last night before Bro got home. You stretch, popping your back, before climbing out of bed and slowly making your way to the kitchen. When you walk in, you look around to see no sign of Bro anywhere, which means he is probably still asleep. Guess that means you're not going to be eating just yet.

Being three inches tall is a pain in the ass sometimes. You can't really do much without Bro's help. You consider yourself lucky that he found you when he did all those years ago. If he didn't, you would probably be long dead.

You decide not to dwell on that any longer, making your way over to the futon and climbing up the make-shift set of stairs Bro had made for you. You find the remote at the other end of the futon and stroll over to it. You have to try more than once before you actually get the power button pressed and the television on. You end up watching children's shows for another hour or so before Bro finally decides to show himself.

He sees that the TV is on and heads over to it, silently picking you up and bringing you to the kitchen. He opens the fridge, swiftly moving out of the way of the swords that all come falling out. Bro pulls out a bottle of apple juice without a word and sets it next to you on the counter. He then turns on the coffee maker. He grabs a small medicine cup for you, filling it with your precious aj.

"Whaddyou want for breakfast?" Bro asks, his voice still gruff from sleep.

You shrug, saying poptarts are fine. He nods and grabs a pack of poptarts, pulling one out for himself and setting the other down for you. You take a long swig of apple juice and start eating.

"Hungry, are we?"

"Dude, it's noon and I still haven't eaten anything yet. I have the right to be ravenously hungry. I'm a growing boy and you're depriving me of the necessary nutrients for that. How am I ever gonna get to six feet if I don't eat properly?" You grumble around the poptart stuffed in your mouth.

He scoffs, pouring himself his coffee and taking a sip. The two of you spend the next minute or so in a comfortable silence, happily enjoying your breakfast.

"What d'you wanna do today? I don't have work or anything so we can do whatever."

You think for a moment before answering "I don't really care. We could watch movies or something all day I guess."

Bro nods, finishing off his coffee and setting the mug in the sink. He places his hand down on the counter, palm up, waiting for you to climb on. You take one last sip of your apple juice before hopping up into his palm. He lifts you up and heads back to the living room.

He puts Tangled into the DVD player and lies down on the futon, setting you down on his chest. You get comfortable and spend the rest of the day watching all the Disney princess movies you can fit into one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the title. Now it's the spell Gilderoy Lockhart used in an attempt to get rid of the Cornish pixies in Harry Potter


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Backstory!!! I wrote this last night but my internet decided to crap out on me, so here it is 8 hours later.

Your name is Dirk Strider. You are a DJ at a rather popular club downtown during the weekends. You lead a pretty boring life, mainly consisting of eating, sleeping and running your record shop on weekdays, with some video game playing and television watching thrown in there occasionally.

At the moment, you are coming back home from shopping since you are running low on food. The elevator broke down again earlier today and as a result, you have to climb up a fuck-ton of stairs to get to your apartment.

As you climb to the third floor, you see that Ms Paint's dog, Jack, has escaped and has a small animal of some kind trapped in a corner. Normally, you would just ignore it and move on with your life, but you feel like being a decent person today. You shoo the dog away, and he snarls before heading back to his home a floor down. As the stupid asshole mutt creeps away, you turn back to the animal it had trapped, which you assume is one of the many mice inhabiting the building.

...

Holy shit this is not a mouse whatsoever.

You kneel down to get closer to the quivering form of the tiny creature. It looks like a tiny person, hunched over and covering its head with its arms. You can hear its quiet sobs as it trembles violently.

When the small boy (or you assume it's a boy) decides that it's somewhat safe enough to uncover himself, he moves his arms away from his face. He has a young face, red and splotchy from crying so hard. You reach a hand out towards him, but you move too suddenly and he lets out a squeak, covering his face again and scooting - if possible - even closer to the wall.

"Hey, hey, don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt ya," you say in the most gentle tone you can manage. You pull your hand back and wait. A few minutes of awkward sitting and the kid crying to himself, he calms down. He looks up to you again, fear still evident in his eyes, but nowhere near the terrified look he had on his face before.

"I won't hurt you. I promise," you murmur as you slowly reach your hand out again. This time he doesn't flinch away. You hold your hand in front of him. He stares for a moment before reaching out and placing his own hand on the tip of your finger. You let slip a small smile.

"Are you alright? You're not hurt?"

"I-I'm f-fine."

He keeps his hand on your finger to steady himself as he tries to get up. He manages to slowly pull himself to his feet, but falls forward into your hand when he stretches out his back. He cries out in pain.

There is one full red wing folded on his back and a bloody mess on the other side. He looks down to the puddle of dog drool on the ground, where a shiny, translucent red shape floats. The boy looks horrified at the sight. You quickly try to bring his attention back to you, rather than the recently amputated wing.

"Can I take you back to my apartment? I'll get you all fixed up and shit that way you don't bleed out."

The boy simply sits there, unmoving for a moment before hesitantly nodding. You stand up, careful not to jostle him too much, gather your bags and make your way to the top floor. You unlock the door and dump your bags on the floor, then you go to your bathroom. You set him on the counter carefully and start rummaging through the medicine cabinet above the sink.

While you clean the wound, you introduce yourself as Dirk. He tells you his name is Dave. You learn that he is 6 years old and when you ask where his parents are, he tells you he has none. You continue to take care of the injury. Within ten minutes, you have his back wrapped and bandaged as best you can (though it's more difficult than you thought it would be because of his size).

"How's that? 'S good? Not too tight?"

He just nods, red antennae bobbing up and down with the movement of his head.

"Alright. Do you have a home you can go back to?"

He shakes his head this time, looking up to you with hope in his eyes.

Before you even think about your words, you blurt out "You can stay with me if you want. At least until your back heals a little." Why would you say that? You can barely take care of yourself as it is! How do you plan on taking care of this kid too?

Before you can take back your offer, Dave nods his head, smile gracing his face for the first time today. Wow, guess it's too late to take it back now. And even though you sucked at taking care of things in general, you can probably at least make him a little healthier. He is currently thin as fuck, practically skin and bones. He's wrapped up in a dirty piece of fabric, probably the only clothing he owns. He is pretty grimy himself now that you think about it. He probably hasn't bathed in a long time, if ever.

You decide that you'll at least try to help and give him a place to really call home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! It's really fun to write this! I hope to have another chapter up soon but it's about to be a busy week so I have no idea when I'll have time to write the next chapter...


	3. There's a little angst but whatever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave is upset that he can't ever meet John

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck is officially over. Unfortunately for you, this fic is not. This is chapter 3 and we're getting into the plot a little further now. Enjoy!

EB: isn't it weird to think that i got to own the bunny from con air before i got to see you in real life?

EB: and that you got to use shades that touched ben stiller's face before you got to actually see your best bro?

EB: i mean i just think it's a little weird that we haven't ever even seen each other before.

EB: you could be a 40 year old weirdo with a foot fetish for all i know.

EB: i don't know... i kind of just wish we could actually meet.

TG: yeah man i feel you

TG: i dont know though

TG: like i dont even know if how we could do that

TG: seems kinda hard to figure out

EB: D:

EB: i thought we promised to find a way to meet one day!

EB: dave! don't back out of that promise now!

TG: im not man dont worry

TG: im just sayin im not sure if bro would be ok with that

TG: stranger danger

TG: dont want you all up in my grill like the 40 y/o pervert you were accusing me of being

TG: touching me in my no no square

TG: bro would definitely not be good with that man

EB: well, tell your bro that i'm not a creep.

EB: my dad said he's okay with you visiting and he's the most strict dad ever!

EB: your bro can't possibly be that bad!

TG: k bro ill ask him about it

TG: cant guarantee anything tho

EB: keep me updated!

TG: can do

TG: i gotta go now

TG: ttyl

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 19:24 --

 

You log off of Pesterchum, shut off your phone and over-exaggeratedly sigh. Bro turns to you, looking from his computer to you sitting on his desk. You get up from your sitting position and walk to the edge of his desk where Bro has added a small set of stairs so you can get from the desk to the floor. Before you can do anything else, Bro pushes you back to the middle of the desk and stares down at you, eyebrows drawn together slightly. You stare back and huff a little. He shakes his head minutely and turns back to his computer.

You know he was trying to figure out what was wrong but you're not exactly in a good mood after John basically teased you about never being able to actually see him. This is one of those times where you really wish you were human instead..That would make your life a whole lot easier.

You make your way down the stairs unobstructed this time and go into the kitchen. A moment later, Bro appears and goes to the fridge for you. He somehow manages to not get cut up into perfect little cubes when the swords come tumbling out of the fridge and reaches behind the last few standing katanas to grab a bottle of apple juice for you.

You're pretty sure Bro already knows exactly what your problem is at the moment. He is practically a mind reader. You bet he probably knew what your issue was before you even had an issue.

He pours out some apple juice for you and takes the rest of the small bottle for himself. It's a few minutes before either of you say anything, and when he does, it's only a one-word question.

"John?"

You nod your head minutely and he nods back. He doesn't say anything else and neither do you. You finish your apple juice in relative silence.

Once you're done, he picks you up by the back of your shirt and carries you over to his desk again. You struggle in his grip to no avail until you are safely placed next to your phone. Rather than continuing his work, however, he sits down in his chair and stares at you again. You stare back until he finally speaks.

"Y'know, I'm not against you visiting the kid. He would have to swear to secrecy and all that shit but as long as he promises not to tell anyone, I'm willing to let you visit him."

You're taken aback by this. Bro never even lets you outside unless you're hidden, even if there is absolutely no one in the area. You don't understand why he would willingly let you reveal yourself to a random dork from Washington now.

"I can see how much you care about the kid, Dave. You deserve to meet him at least once in your life."

You shake your head. It's a bad idea. What if Egbert takes pictures of you and puts them on the internet or something? What if he tries to sell you to other random strangers for a large sum of money? What if he hands you over to the government for research? What if-

"Nah, Bro. I don't really think that's a good idea. I thought you were supposed to be the responsible one. Clearly I was wrong. I'm gonna have to take over this household to fix all the damage that was done while you were in control. Seriously. Spontaneous trips to Washington? With a supposedly mythological creature? You're just full of terrible ideas, aren't you?"

"Whatever, man. Thought you might be on board with it. Don't need to jump my ass like that."

Bro turns back to his computer and starts clicking away.

The idea of visiting John is a terrible one. You're too nervous to even Skype with him in case he notices the bright red antennae sticking out of the top of your head. Unless he can come up with a way to hide your size, antennae and remaining wing, you're never going to Washington. End of story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! It means a lot that people even look at my fics! Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon. I'm starting to sort out an actual coherent plot now. Happy 413/end of Homestuck!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave is an ass and Bro has a big surprise in store for him. Also, forgive Bro's name on Serious Business. It's all I could think of...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while since I last updated this, but I have been super busy lately with final projects due (all on the same day I had 4 projects due and I basically was dead) and exams coming up starting tomorrow. I hope I can get this off the ground again soon. In the meantime, here's Bro

Dave has gone to his room, probably so he can mope about his terrible terrible life and how hard done-by he is because he has to live with an asshole as awful as you. The reason you are a terrible guardian, of course, is because you told him he is allowed to visit his best friend in Washington.

Teenagers, man.

With Dave away sulking to himself though, you have the perfect chance to talk with John's dad. Even though Dave said no, you're still planning on a visit up there so they can meet. You know that Dave is only nervous about meeting John because of his "condition," but you also know that there will be no problem. You trust the Egbert's.

You pull up SeriousBusiness on your phone and shoot a quick message to James (AKA. Dadbert) asking him if everything has been confirmed for realsies. (The only reason you even use SeriousBusiness in the first place is because you know that the kids won't ever use it) He replies a few minutes later.

strifesnsmuppets - 20:08

Are we good for this weekend?

 

pipefan413 - 20:11

I BELIEVE WE ARE. I TRUST THE PLANS ARE STILL A SECRET?

 

strifesnsmuppets - 20:11

No details of any kind have been disclosed.

 

pipefan413 - 20:12

PERFECT. JOHN DOESN'T KNOW EITHER SO THE SURPRISE WILL BE VERY SURPRISING FOR HIM.

 

strifesnsmuppets - 20:13

Awesome. We will see you this weekend, then.

 

You set down your phone and head to Dave's room. You can hear him mumbling to himself through the door like he does sometimes when he thinks you're not listening. You knock, pause a moment, and open the door. Dave is lying on his bed with an arm covering his face. He removes his arm from his face and turns to you.

"S'up?"

"We're going away for the weekend so I need you to have your shit packed for Thursday."

He's still for a moment before sitting up. "What for?"

"Thought you might like to get out and explore. We're driving over to California for the weekend. Do some sight-seeing and shit. Figured you might like to get out for once." You pulled that excuse out of your ass, but he stares for a moment, then he shrugs his shoulders and lies back down again.

"Thursday," you repeat.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll pack and whatnot. Are you done? I've got some absolutely sick beats to work on."

Such a rotten brat. Seriously.

You close the door behind you, deciding not dignify a response. You go to your room to get your own shit together for this excursion. You're excited about it and a little nervous. You know that you can absolutely 100 percent trust everyone who will be there, but you know that Dave won't quite fit in with all the other people there.

On the bright side, you know for a fact that Dave will be surprised and you think he might cry completely ironic manly man tears when he sees where you're really taking him. Poor kid never really gets to leave the apartment except for trips to the roof. Even just leaving your place will be an adventure for him, let alone a trip to the Egbert's house.

The only part of this trip you know you will hate is the drive up there. You can't take a plane (for obvious reasons, those reasons being Dave) and driving is the next fastest way. Unfortunately, Washington is a long fuckin' way from Texas. You're dreading spending 35 hours in a car with Dave. When he gets bored, the whole world knows.

You hope he doesn't figure anything out between now and Thursday when you leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay things are picking up! I hope I can have the next chapter posted within a week but the earliest is probably Saturday. Hope you enjoyed this (really short) chapter! Thank you so much for reading! It means a lot to me.


End file.
